Repentance
by AngelWing1138
Summary: Rose Hathaway is on the move, breaking every code and every rule drilled into her since childhood to save the man she loved from being that which he hated. And breaking her heart in the process.
1. Prologue

A/N: First story in a while! has changed a lot! Dunno if I like it too much...Well, anyhow. This is my first 'none-anime' story, unless you count 'Heart of the Sea' and 'Lucky Accident', which I won't be touching for a while. This one really does mean a lot too me, though. I love this story series. I can't wait until the next book...Next year....Ergh. So yeah. Please be gentle! This is just a prologue.

Disclaimer: Vampire Academy belongs to Richelle Mead.

* * *

Ah. Fuck. That hurt a lot.

I winced, feeling blood seep down my neck, matting into my hair. That was going to be a _joy_ cleaning out later. Lately, I've realized that cleaning blood out of your hair really isn't that easy. Especially when it's been there for a good few days. I learned this the hard way when I tried to clean up my hair after five days of blood soaking into it. God, that had been a chore. I didn't particularly enjoy doing it. It probably would've been way easier if I cut my hair really short.

But Dimitri had loved my hair so much, and in spite of everything I couldn't cut it for that reason.

My thoughts were brought back to the present when an arm pinned against my neck, briefly making me remember when I'd put Camille into the same situation a month ago. But, see, I was in control and wasn't hurting her or trying to. This? This was crushing my windpipe, and I'd be dead if I didn't stop him soon.

Quickly thinking, I brought my knee up and slammed it into the groin of my attacker. He immediately let go, gasping and I clutched to my throat for a split second before grabbing my stake and shoving it through his ribs during his momentary lapse of paying any sort of attention. His red eyes widened before a gurgle sound escaped his lips and he fell limp to his side, eyes wide and unseeing. I didn't even pause to think about how many Strigoi I've killed within the last month now; I just swiftly pulled the stake out and walked through the cave, eyes watching everywhere at once as I walked.

There was no nausea as I walked through the passages, and this made me a little worried. I wasn't just randomly tromping through a Strigoi-infested cave after all; I was looking for someone. A specific Strigoi anyhow, who was rumoured to know something I needed to know. Something about him. About Dimitri. It was a long shot, but I was taking a lot of those lately. They'd have to make up some new tattoo for me if I ever got out of this alive; I'll probably cut down a good portion of Strigoi on this mad manhunt of mine.

Suddenly, my stomach turned and I spun around in time to avoid a Strigoi lunging at me, ducking and rolling out of the way. I immediately sprung up, glancing around briefly before realizing he was the only one; he must've been who I was looking for.

"Are you Tobias?" I asked then, keeping my stake up in case he decided talking wasn't in his style. The Strigoi paused though, looking at me in interest; he was one of the older Strigoi I'd seen so far, and so more in control of himself than the others. We could probably sit down and have tea and blood pudding if he randomly decided it. And I don't mean that English sausage stuff for blood pudding, if you catch my drift here.

"I am," his accent was heavy and German; made sense; I was in the throes of Germany; deep into the country, heading in the general direction of Russia. I was placing all my money that Dimitri would be there, in his homeland; he'd always hinted that he'd like to go home one day. And now that he didn't have an obligation to protect the Moroi, why not do so?

I inwardly shuddered at the reminder of what happened to the man I loved. The man I was out to find. To kill.

"I need to find Dimitri Belikov. I hear you have information on him. I just want to talk; not to fight you."

Tobias raised an eyebrow, clearly confused by my words. He relaxed his stance, and I relaxed mine—a little. I was still around a Strigoi; I wasn't going to leave myself completely vulnerable. "What do you need to know about that young one? He has done nothing to the Moroi or dhampirs. Your hunt makes no sense to me."

"It's personal." I said simply, narrowing my eyes at him. "Do you have information on him or not?"

"I do," Tobias said, smiling a little and raising his hands as if to placate me; I stiffened, sliding back slightly. "Calm yourself, little dhampir, I am not going to hurt you as long as you don't hurt me. A fair deal, right?"

"Sure," I shrugged my shoulders, keeping a close eye on him. The 'little dhampir' comment made me thing of Adrian, and how I'd used him to get this far. Brief guilt washed over me before I pushed it aside for more important things. "Sounds fair."

"Then let's put away your scary stake. It makes me nervous." He glanced his red eyes at my silver stake, filled with Moroi magic, with life. I frowned, hand tightening it.

"No way in hell. I don't care how much you promise not to hurt me; I'm not so much of an idiot as to just blindly put my weapon away. You're still a Strigoi, I'm still a dhampir. And you could be very hungry." He glanced at me, before smiling lightly, tightly. "The stake stays out where I can defend myself."

"Fair enough." He moved away from me, keeping the distance between us wide; that wouldn't matter if he decided to attack me, though. He could clear that distance faster than I could breathe and then there'd be another fight and I wouldn't get any information. Better keep my temper in control, then.

"So, what is it that you want to know?" He asked then, looking at me curiously. "I'll need to know specifically what information you want before I give it to you."

"I need to know where he is." I said then, staring straight into the eyes of the creatures I hated more than anything. I'd killed so many, sworn to kill even more and here I was, civilly talking to one. I had stooped very low in my travels. Very, very low. I was not the same Rose as I had been when I had left the Academy a month ago. Leaving behind my best friend and everything I had held dear to go out on my own. Sometimes I regretted that. Sometimes I regretted leaving Lissa behind and Eddie and even Christian. Sometimes I regretted not graduating, becoming a guardian, helping the vampire community with my skills and strengths.

Then I would close my eyes, see those brown eyes, so warm with love, turn red and I'd forget all my regrets for my biggest regret. Letting Dimitri turn when I could've tried to help him. Being too weak to protect him.

"When he came to me, he was heading towards Russia, where he was born. He needed a way to get there without exposing himself to the sun, so I showed him an underground pathway that would lead him as far as the border to Poland. Russia is, of course, a very far way off. And to take that journey on foot is even more tiring. But he is young, he'll probably have a little more energy about himself than the older Strigoi." He looked at me in interest, and the look in his eye told me he had things he wanted to ask the strange dhampir he was talking to. "He could be as far as Berlin for all we know, or even farther."

Right now we were in a countryside near the town of Hannover, so Berlin was actually a good ways off. If Dimitri had been walking this secret passage for a few days or even weeks, he could've gotten a fair distance. I was behind; I needed to catch up to him and fast.

Turning to Tobias, I smiled at him; it was one of the smiles that had once been described to me as 'frighteningly sweet'. "Thank you, Tobias."

And before the man could even sense what was coming (which was rare of Strigoi, but I was getting really good at killing them lately), I lunged at him, slammed my shoulder into his chest making him stumble back and before he could even wrap his hands around my neck I stabbed him through the ribs like Dimitri had shown me how on the practice dummies what felt like ages ago. I pulled the stake back then as Tobias fell lifelessly to the ground at my feet, before looking around the cave.

"So…It's to Berlin then."


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: Holy Flash, Batman! Faster chapter I've ever typed out! Kind of boring, as there's no fighting. But I hope you like it anyway!

Disclaimer: Vampire Academy belongs to Richelle Mead.

* * *

Making my way out of the cave was easy; I'd taken care of most of the Strigoi there, and the ones who were still around seemed to be smart enough not to attack me. Even though I had learned something about Dimitri my mood was foul, and they could probably sense that. A P.O'd dhampir that just killed a Strigoi after promising not to do anything was a threat, no matter how small said dhampir was. And the fact that I was small made me more dangerous; I could easily slip out of their grasp before they could keep it firm around me.

I walked into open air after about an hour of walking through the maze of cave passages, looking around briefly before looking towards East, at the horizon. The sun was rising, purples and pinks and yellows. If I had been with Lissa, we would've gone under the shade of some trees and just watched that sun rise, smiling as the warmth hit our skin and covered us in its brilliant light. As I did not have Lissa with me, though, I just continued towards a dirt path that would take me into the closest town, where I could then buy a train ticket and book a trip to Berlin.

There was no one on the roads this early, not even truckers, so the silence gave me a lot of time to think—about everything. It was these quiet times of the day that I hated most; I wasn't fighting any Strigoi or learning anything about Dimitri. I was left alone with my thoughts, which weren't very pleasant because of some of the choices I had made so far. Like leaving behind the world I knew for something I didn't understand. And breaking away from the one person I was closest with, so close that I could feel even now in the back of my mind that she was miserable.

Even though there was a huge ocean in between us, the bond still seemed to connect us if only faintly. I couldn't fall into Lissa's mind anymore, nor could she telepathically talk to me. But I could still faintly, just faintly, feel the emotions she was feeling if they were particularly strong. And since I had left, there'd been constant depression and grief coming from her. It made me feel horrible and I almost wanted to at least write to her telling her I was fine, but I didn't know how she'd handle that. I mean, I'd just left her after having a huge argument with her and putting myself in front of her for once. If I was Lissa, I wouldn't want to talk to me that was for sure. I'd been such a bitch…

I still needed to do this, though. I at least owed it to Dimitri, if nothing else.

The sun was high in the sky when I finally reached a small town that had a train station, and before anything I went to the ticket box office and bought myself a first class ticket using the card I'd been given after finalizing my account in Missoula. Adrian had put in around 20 000 dollars into my account, which had so far been really useful to me when I needed to spend a night in a hotel and grab trains and planes and boats. I made a mental note to thank him again whenever—or if ever—I got back to the United States. I had about two hours before my train left, so I decided that I'd find some shops, get some clothes that weren't covered in dried blood and dirt and ditch my old clothes into some trash bin. I'd also try to rinse some blood out of my hair in a sink or something, just so I wouldn't have difficulty later on.

Walking through the town, I noted that it was very peaceful and that a lot of the people seemed common and friendly. This wasn't a big city with people flipping each other off whenever you crossed the street or something; this was a community where everyone pretty much knew everyone and if you were a visitor you were treated warmly. No matter what condition you came in, apparently, as I got a few smiles here and there and a couple of the kids ran around my legs as I waited to cross a street. It was a nice little community, some place where children could be raised safely…

I sighed softly, rubbing my arm as I walked into a clothing store. Too bad I couldn't stay here for a while longer. I didn't have that sort of time.

A bell rang as I opened the door, and the clerk at the counter looked up, eyes widening to see my state before she smiled kindly. "_Guten Tag, Fräulein._"

"_Ich nein sprechen Sie Deutsch._" I said it quickly, so that the woman wouldn't continue speaking in German. I only knew a few phrases from my travels through the country, but not enough to speak coherently. "Sorry."

"Oh, that is fine." She said, smiling politely. She sounded very kind, and seemed pleased that I had at least attempted to speak her native language, at least to tell her I couldn't speak it. I found out as I travelled through Europe that Europeans liked it when you attempted to speak to them in their own language, even if you couldn't. It showed that you respected their country and its traditions, and that you didn't want to insult anybody. Now, if you accidentally said 'Fuck your mom' when you meant to say 'Where is the bathroom', you might be in trouble. It was better to stick with simpler phrases, ones you could remember. Like, 'I don't know how to speak so-and-so language'. See? Makes sense. And I've gotten a lot of good hints and deals by doing this.

"So, what can I help you with, Miss?" She asked then, coming from behind the counter and looking at me; she was eye-level with me, so that was nice.

"I need some new clothes; nothing fancy, just simple travelling clothes. Maybe a coat to keep the chill off." It was slighter colder in Germany than it was in Montana, and the coat that I had right now had definitely seen better days. Woe is the life of a traveller. "Is there anything like that here?"

"Plenty." She placed her hand on the small of my back, turning and leading me towards the back of the store. In the front was all the nicer clothes you'd wear to a reunion or something like that; in the back were the simple clothes like T-shirts, jeans and work boots. It was the 'convenient' side of the store, and since my travels this side of the store had been the only side I ever looked at. Dresses didn't even mean anything to me anymore. At least, not too much. Once in a while I felt the need to dress up, but then I'd remind myself that I was on a mission here and not vacation.

The woman helped me pick out pick out a good set of clothes for me to change into. There was a stretchy black shirt that was made out of some kind of thick material, so I'd stay warm, along with some simple faded grey jeans and a pair of hiking boots. She also got me a long grey coat, seeming to see the pattern that I wanted clothes that wouldn't make me look conspicuous. Dull colours seemed to do that pretty well. Once I put on the ensemble, I paid for it at the counter, ripped off the tags and pocketed them somewhere, before tossing my trashed clothes into the closest trash bin. I then asked if there was a bathroom in the store, but she said no. She pointed me to a restaurant just across the street though that did have a bathroom. I was about to say I didn't have time to eat, but my stomach growled then and she smiled knowingly. So I thanked her (in German, to which she beamed brightly), before leaving the store and walking across the street after looking both ways.

I entered the restaurant after a moment's hesitation, looking around to see it was dimly lit and that there were only a few people here. I saw some of the customers going through a back door that didn't look like the bathroom, which was a little suspicious but I didn't ask questions. Every town had their own quirks; maybe there was just some sort of buffet or something at the back.

A greeter came up then, smiling at me kindly. "_Guten Tag,_"

I quickly said the same phrase as before, to which the man simply nodded at, before looking around. "I was wondering if you had a bathroom I could use."

"Ah, yes we do. It's in the back, near the kitchens." His accent was heavy like the clothing store woman's voice, and that was to be expected. "Would you like me to get you a table ready for when you are finished?"

"Sure." I shrugged, knowing I might as well grab something to eat. I hadn't even burned an hour yet off of my time, so it wasn't like I was in some big rush or whatever. He nodded again, smiling and I walked to where he pointed, pushing open the door and stepping in.

The bathroom was your usual, stereotypical small restaurant bathroom. It was cleaner than most, but it still had its dirt from its common visitors. Thankfully, it was a one person bathroom with a lock, so when I closed the door I locked it as well, walking over to the sinks.

I turned the taps on then pulling up the tab to make sure the water didn't just rush down the drain and instead filled up like a mini-tub. Once the water was up high enough I turned off the taps, flipped my dirty hair over my head and dunked into the warm water, closing my eyes as I started scrubbing the drying blood out of the dark strands.

It took me about twenty minutes to get all the blood out of my hair, and I was pretty sure I'd missed a few spots anyhow, but I pulled out of the sink—the water now a murky brownish red colour—and rung my hair as dry as it could get, tying it up high on my hair to make sure it didn't drip onto my new clothes. I drained the sink, wiping up the red stains with a paper towel before cleaning up the rest of the mess I had made, throwing out the waded paper into the trash bin next to the sink. I then looked at myself in the mirror, sighing a little.

I still looked like Rose Hathaway, but there were difference in my face now. My skin was darker than before from all my time in the sun, my lips chapped from loosing my chap stick second week in travelling. Even though I had cleaned up my hair, it was a tangled mess, wet curls sticking to my forehead and around my ears. My eyes, though, were what had changed the most.

They looked older than I did, worn and tired of everything. They were the same eyes as my mother whenever she let down her guard, the same eyes that I had seen in every guardians' face after the attack on the Academy last month.

These eyes frightened me.

Looking away, I left the bathroom and found the table that I had been given; gratefully the greeter had given me a corner table booth, away from the other customers so that I could be alone with my thoughts, trying to think of my next move once I got to Berlin. If Dimitri wasn't there, I was going to have to find someone who knew where he'd be; I probably should've dragged that out of Tobias earlier before I'd killed him. Oh well, I hadn't thought that I'd need anything else from him after he told me where Dimitri was heading.

A waitress came to me then, giving me a menu and asking me what I'd like to drink. I asked for a tea with honey and sugar, watching briefly as she walked off to get that for me before glancing down at the menu, seeing it but not really.

That was when I sensed it.

Well, I didn't really sense it more than I saw it. A glimmer of silver, a reflecting light sort of, with washed-out colour. A ghost. I glanced over to where it stood, by a support beam, staring at me with soft, sad eyes. All the ghosts I'd met so far since leaving the Academy have looked so sad, and they only ever came to me when they had something they wanted to tell me; something that could help or a warning of what was coming at me in the near, five-minutes-to-go future.

This one was a young boy, with large brown eyes and soft brown hair. His skin was pale, and he looked very lost for a moment, before looking at me. He blinked, before pointing at me, as if asking if I was who he was looking for. Seeing as, as far as I knew, I was the only one who could see him, I nodded slowly, discreetly and he nodded, dropping his hand.

"…Do you have something to tell me?" I asked then, voice soft. The other customers weren't paying attention to me, but it was still dangerous to be talking to a ghost in large, public places like this. I preferred it if I was in some sort or wood; then I could talk as loudly as I wanted to and only the woodland creatures would think I was nuts. He nodded then, and I sighed a little. "Is it about Dimitri?"

He nodded again, and shock rushed through me; so this was a ghost trying to help me. There were a few of those; kind spirits that wanted to help me put Dimitri's soul to rest. I liked seeing them better than the other guys. They weren't all that pleasant.

"Is he in Berlin?" I asked then, watching him carefully. Slowly, the boy shook his head, and I sighed in frustration. "Is he near Berlin?" He shook his head again, and frustration hit me, stronger than usual. It was probably all the depression I was feeling from Lissa; her sadness was affecting me oddly, even from this far away. "Did he reach Berlin?"

The boy nodded, and I sighed. "So he's past Berlin?" He nodded again, and I frowned, thinking. "…Is he close to the border?"

He nodded once more, and I nodded a little, glancing at him. "I don't suppose you'd know the town?" He paused, as if thinking, before he nodded and I smiled a little, pulling out a map of Germany that I had bought once I'd crossed the border. I unfolded it, spreading it across the table, and the ghost boy drifted a little closer to me. I set it up so that he could see it, and he looked at it before putting his translucent finger to a small town just outside of Cottbus. That wasn't _too_ far away from Berlin, and I could probably grab a bus there once I reached it. Though, Dimitri would've probably passed that town by the time I'd even get there. "Is he going to be leaving there once night hits?"

Again, the boy nodded and I sighed. "Will I ever reach him?" I asked, metaphorically but the boy nodded, very surely. I looked at him, surprised by his sureness before I smiled. "Thanks kid. This has helped me a lot." He nodded, looking at me before a tiny smile lifted his lips and he shimmered, disappearing just as my tea came.

"Would you like to order now?"

* * *

After walking around the town a little more, picking up some essentials (like a hairbrush, as my last one had been used as a defensive weapon against a random Strigoi attack. It had broken when I smashed it on the Strigoi's head), I headed to the train and got on, going into the first class compartment and finding an empty compartment room. I closed the door once I found one, placing my bag onto the rack above me before sitting down, stretching my legs across to rest on the seat opposite of me, slouching down and resting my hands on my stomach. I hadn't slept well in over three days, trying to find Tobias. It had been hard, since the informant who'd given me the tip hadn't been too clear which set of caves he had resided in, so I had gone through at least three before finding him. I'd cleared them all out pretty much, but it was still tiring.

So, determined to at least get an hour's sleep in, I closed my eyes, sighing softly and relaxing. It took me a while, but I finally did fall asleep.

As I slept, I dreamed.

I was in the Academy's forest, punching Ralf Sarcozy in the face for what he had done to Lissa. Once I had been satisfied with his pain-filled moans, I looked over to see Jesse standing there, eyes wide and mouth slack-jawed. I remembered this night; this was the night Lissa had lost control. I looked over, seeing Lissa there staring at him and through the bond I felt those dark, wrong feelings deep within her.

"Lissa this isn't it," I said, though my voice sounded distant. She said something, but I couldn't hear her, then she looked over at me; she looked scared. I told her the same things I had that night; to give me all of her dark emotions. And then, just like that, all the black feelings within her were sucked out of her right into me, and I was suddenly filled with the rage she was.

I tried to lunge at Jesse, to start beating him, to kill him, when strong arms wrapped around me; these were, however, _not_ Eddie's arms like that night. I stilled, and suddenly I wasn't in the forest anymore but with Dimitri, under him as I tried to wriggle away from him to go through with my murderous intentions.

"Rose this isn't you! _This isn't you!_"

"Let me go! This is—" I froze, and the hatred I had felt seeped out of my almost immediately. I was expecting the talk that we had had after my brief mental breakdown, but instead he just kissed me and I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him closer. We somehow managed to separate for a moment to get onto the bed, before our clothes started disappearing and our skin touched, just like that first time. I felt electricity shock down my spine, and I clung to him tighter as we joined, forgetting where I ended and he began. It was as if I was reliving that night over again; that glorious night when we had thrown away all thoughts of pretending this was nothing, living a lie like we had been for the past months. We came, reached heaven together, and fell on top of each other panting and sweating, limbs tangled together.

I snuggled into his chest, feeling safe, secure, warm, before looking up at his face to kiss him again and tell him I loved him. Yet, when he looked down at me, expression soft, lips curved into that smile I loved so much…

Red eyes stared down at me.

I woke up screaming, shaken by the train suddenly stopping. I looked around frantically, trying to find where I was again before I slumped against the seat, wiping a hand over my eyes. I glanced at the time; I'd been asleep for an hour at least. But I didn't feel the least bit rested.

Groaning, I hid my face in my hands before getting up, deciding a walk would calm down my frayed nerves. That and I was curious to see why the train had stopped. I peeked out of my compartment, looking around to see other boarders looking confused before I walked out into the hall, looking for someone who would know what was going on. I found the man who took the tickets, talking to a woman holding a child calmly as if reassuring her before looking over at me. He said something in German I didn't understand, and I held a hand up, saying the phrase I had earlier. He nodded, waiting for me to speak. "Can I ask what's going on exactly?"

"There's a problem with the engine, but it'll be fixed within the next half hour or sooner. Just go back to your compartment and wait; this won't be long." I frowned, worried about the delay; that was more time for Dimitri to get away. I looked out the window at the doors though and noted that it was still too bright for Dimitri to be walking right now. Unless the secret path really did take him straight to the border. In which case, I was falling way behind.

I went back to my compartment anyhow, knowing that if I tried to start walking now, I'd be way lost and would never find Dimitri. Staying on and waiting for the repairs was the safest bet. As I walked past a slightly opened compartment, I heard a 'psst' aimed at me. I paused, looking around with narrowed eyes; someone was trying to get my attention? But why would they? I didn't know anyone on this bus.

I heard the 'psst' noise again and sighed, looking over to the opened compartment to see a young man standing there, leaning against the door leisurely; he looked relaxed, but his posture was tensed and every once in a while his eyes would flash around the train. It was as if he were looking for danger…

"Nice tattoos," he said then in perfect English, his accent light and…Scottish, of all things. "I know _molnija_ marks, but I don't recognize that star one. What's it mean?"

Holy crap, I was talking to a dhampir.

He was tall, with pale skin, freckles and red hair. In a way, he kind of reminded me of Mason, but Mason didn't sound Scottish. Mason had sounded American. And this guy was older than Mason had been before he had died. My stomach turned at that last thought; the memory of Mason dying still hurt me, but at least I knew he was at peace with himself now.

He looked at me expectantly, raising an eyebrow. "Well lass? What does the star mean?"

"Why don't you make yourself a little quieter, and I might answer you." I hissed then, narrowing my eyes as some people started looking at us. He laughed lightly, before nodding and I grabbed his arm, dragging him to my empty compartment and sliding the door shut; it might not have been soundproof, but it gave me a more private feeling. I then turned to him, watching him warily. "You're a dhampir. Meaning you're probably a guardian. Since you're not with a family right now, as Moroi would usually have private jets or something, that means you're a guardian of something else." My eyes narrowed even more, and he watched me expectantly. "Is it Vladimir Academy? Did Kirova suddenly decide that she wanted me back after all even though I'm old enough to make my own decisions without having to consult my mother? That's it isn't it. Well then I refuse to go with you, so you can just screw off and be on your merry way."

The Scottish guardian blinked before he laughed lightly, sighing and shaking his head. "No, no, lass. Nothing like that. I am a guardian, but I _am_ a guardian of a family. The Ozeras, actually. I'm just returning to them in Berlin after having taken a short break visiting some friends in Scotland." He smiled. "I was just surprised to see another dhampir like you, so I wanted to have a little chat. And I actually am curious about the new tattoo. I've really never seen anything like it."

"…Oh." Well I felt stupid now. I sighed, sitting in my seat and he sat on the seat across from me, looking at me curiously. "…My name's Rose Hathaway."

"Joseph O'Reily. A pleasure, Miss Hathaway." He smiled kindly and I nodded tiredly, rubbing my eyes.

"The star just means they couldn't count how many Strigoi that I took down. It was pretty much impossible to count how many I could've taken down, so they had to make up a new tattoo for the other guardians and myself." I looked at him, seeing awe in his eyes. "It's not a big deal. I was protecting my school at the time from a mass Strigoi attack."

"Vladimir Academy, I'm going to guess." He said, smiling a little as I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I heard about that attack. And the rescue mission that followed it." He frowned, looking down. "I hear you suffered losses."

"Minimal losses, compared to how many Strigoi we took care of but…Still. Yeah. We suffered losses." I felt like I had suffered the biggest loss of all, but this Joseph guy didn't need to know about that.

"So what made you leave the Academy, Miss Hathaway?" He asked then, leaning forward. "I'm going to guess you were a student there? Graduation isn't for another few months."

"It's personal." I answered immediately; that was the answer I'd given Adrian; the answer I'd given Lissa. It was an answer I was probably going to be repeating a lot over the next little while as I hunted Dimitri down. He nodded, accepting that easily; that was nice. He at least wasn't going to question my motives. Awesome change so far.

"Well, then I won't ask any more about it." He smiled, before looking out the window. "You seem awfully young to have fought so many Strigoi. Its scary thinking a child like you can take down those frightening monsters."

"I'm not a child; I'm eighteen, thanks much." I muttered foully, looking out the window again. "…You said you protected the Ozeras."

"Not the same family. A different family on that tree. They aren't very closely related to Christian Ozera or his immediate family." He looked at me with a grim look. "Most guardians wouldn't want to protect that family."

"They aren't like his parents." I muttered, scowling. "They're way different. Christian helped me take down a majority of the Strigoi I did." I sighed, shaking my head. "Doesn't matter though. Just thought maybe someone cared enough to protect them. Man, the Moroi are messed up."

"Yes, but it is our duty to protect them lass." He stood up just as the train started moving; I jolted only slightly, but steadied myself once it got moving. So the train had gotten fixed faster than expected. Either that or talking to Joseph had taken longer than expected. He looked down at me then, his eyes contemplating. "…I wish you luck on your personal journey." He said then, smiling a little. "I know your name. I knew your mother; strong woman. You look like her." He nodded. "Don't die on her and leave her alone, eh?"

I blinked, looking over at him but he was sliding the door closed after exiting. I frowned, eyebrows knitting together in confusion before I sighed, looking out the window again.

What the hell was that supposed to mean?


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: Once again, out like lightening! I'm on a roll, and I want to thank you all so far for your support. I know that her travelling might seem a little tidious, but things will pick up; and besides, you travel across hunting down a significantly faster entity. I wish you good luck getting around quickly.  
Alright, so I just wanted to say one thing before I let you guys read. **_ARE YOU READING THIS NOW?_** Okay, just making sure you're paying attention to me.  
I love reviews, I do. I hate it when people just say, 'loved it, update asap' or something along those lines. It doesn't show me that you enjoyed my work. Yes, you'd like me to write more but I do need comments and sometimes even criticism so that I know what I am strong in and what I need to improve in. Things like that. Sort of like how my English teacher and my dad say I have strong writing, but I depend on the semicolon a lot. That's because I like it, but sometimes I don't use it correctly.  
So, if you guys could, could you tell me how I'm doing? And don't say 'update soon' and stuff like that. I don't want to feel pressured. Writing is for the writer's enjoyment mostly, so it's kind of mean or rude when people pretty much demand new chapters. I like writing for you; I don't want to get annoyed at you.

Disclaimer: Vampire Academy belongs to Richelle Mead.

* * *

Throughout the rest of the trip I contemplated what Joseph had said to me. The train ride was long, taking me well into the night. The rest of the train was silent throughout these dark hours, but I was wide awake, sitting up and staring out the window. I didn't think we were going to be attacked by Strigoi on the train; there were easier, none-moving targets around, they didn't have to come get us. It wasn't like they were desperate for food or whatever.

This made my thoughts start shifting to what Dimitri was eating before I shut down that thought, pushing it to the farthest corner of my mind and not touching it. I refused to touch that one. I did _not_ want to think of Dimitri like that.

I sighed, leaning my head against the window when I heard a tap against the glass of my compartment door. I stiffened, turning to it quickly as it slid open only to reveal a kindly older woman with a trolley, smiling sweetly. She kind of reminded me of Alice, except way less loopy. She also, apparently, didn't know English since she asked me something in German I couldn't wrap my head around. Oh how I longed for a translator.

Thankfully, someone came to my rescue, someone with red hair. "Hello again Joseph."

"Miss Hathaway," he smiled, before he spoke quietly to the woman, apparently asking her to repeat her question. She said it, looking slightly confused before he turned to me. "She's asking if you'd like anything off of the trolley."

"Oh…Umm, no thank you." I said, awkwardly watching as Joseph repeated my answer and she smiled and nodded before strolling down her merry way. He then turned to me, smiling a little. "…Thanks for that."

"Not a problem." He said, smiling and winking. He paused as he was walking away though, looking at me. "You should probably study some languages after this personal journey of yours. It'll be a good experience, and then you can communicate with the people in different countries."

"I'll keep that in mind." I said, smirking in reply to his smile. He grinned at that, before nodding to me and leaving me alone.

I didn't have any more encounters with Joseph or anyone else on the train until it stopped the next morning in Berlin, the train station crowded with people waiting to get on. I got off, holding my bag tightly to my side as I was pushed down the aisle before swinging through the plateau, going down the steps and towards the main town of Berlin. I needed to find the bus station, fast. I needed to get to Cottbus quickly, so that I could try to catch up to Dimitri before he got too deep into Poland.

I asked around, noting that only a few people seemed to know English and half of those few didn't really want to deal with me right now. It was early in the morning; people were grouchy. Right, I was back in a big city. Back to people flipping me off for crossing the street. Sighing, I leaned against a brick wall, rubbing my temple in frustration. I wasn't going to get anywhere at this rate. I was going to loose Dimitri, he was going to get way ahead of me and I'd never be able to catch up with him…

My dark thoughts were instantly interrupted when someone tapped my arm and I glanced down to see a slightly shorter young girl staring up at me with wide blue eyes. I blinked, staring back, before she smiled widely and took my hand. Confused, I didn't stop her as she walked through the crowds, weaving through the people expertly. Even while dragging me, she didn't bump into anyone and the same could be said for me. It was like she was guiding both of us soundly, and there was no one else around to bump into.

Suddenly she stopped and I blinked a few times, startled by the strangeness of the situation. She then pointed up to a sign that seemed to be a sign for the bus station and I smiled gratefully, looking down to thank her—but she was gone. Shocked, I looked around trying to spot the little girl but found no trace of her. It was almost like she didn't even exist…

"Don't go crazy, Rose. She's probably just really fast." I didn't think that I was probably faster than her and could've sensed her disappearance, though. No need to freak myself out. I continued to tell myself that she probably ran off after leading me to my destination (that she had somehow known about), getting into line to buy a bus ticket. I looked at my card, mentally wondering how much money I had on it since I had gotten it. I'd taken a few trains, planes and buses since then. Well, I didn't need to worry about it until my supply of money ran out. Then I was on my own, on foot and walking across countries if I had to. I wouldn't let being broke keep me down. I could probably even get a few odd jobs once in a while if it came to that.

My turn came up and I bought a ticket for Cottbus, noting that the bus left in about five minutes. So, quickly looking at what number it was, I scanned the buses lined up and found mine. Not a lot of people were heading towards that one, so that promised me a quiet bus ride.

Damn.

I quickly walked over to it, climbing on and giving my ticket to the driver, grabbing a seat near the back. I looked out the slightly tinted windows as I waited for the bus to get moving, every once in a while hearing someone come on. Five minutes later, the doors closed and the engine started running, before the bus started to move slowly out of its spot, towards the road.

I shifted in my seat, placing my bag at my feet so that my lap wouldn't go numb before glancing around the bus quickly, eyes looking for anything dangerous or out-of-the-ordinary. I didn't see anyone with any tattoos, so no dhampirs. And it was too early for Moroi to be out; way too early for Strigoi, and they wouldn't usually ride the bus unless they were going to eat the inhabitants in it. So, relaxing for once since I'd gotten on the train, I looked out the window again, head leaning against the glass.

In the back of my mind, I felt something shift; Lissa's emotions were moving from depressed to some sort of shock. Maybe she had gotten some news or something? I didn't know; I kind of wished at that moment that I could fall in her head. But the separation was just too great. I'd just have to be utterly confused by her shock. Though that was going to drive me insane now. I didn't realize how much I had depended on my ability to constantly check on Lissa until I had moved far, far away from her. It was almost like my life was centred around her…and once upon a time, it had been. Once this was all over, it would be again. This was just something I had to do.

I sighed, closing my eyes and making myself comfortable. I might as well at least get a nap in. Maybe not sleep…I didn't want to dream again.

I was jolted awake when someone shook my shoulder, and I looked up to see the driver staring at me impatiently. He said something very quickly in German, but all I heard was 'Cottbus' so I got up, grabbed my things and left the bus. Ohh, it was empty. I guess I had fallen asleep, I just hadn't realized it. Nor did I dream apparently, which was nice. I felt a little more rested than I had for the past couple of days.

I looked around Cottbus as I walked out of the bus station, trying to find where I was and what direction I should start heading in. It was a city, like Berlin, but it was different than Berlin all the same. Berlin had been busier, way more crowded. There were plenty of people in Cottbus, but it was greener, and seemed a little less busy. The buildings here were beautiful; I hadn't had the time to look around Berlin, as I was looking for the bus station, but the buildings were probably beautiful there too. Oh well, too late to not appreciate it.

I stopped on a street corner, getting a feel for the city; there were plenty of people walking around, some with umbrellas over their heads to protect themselves from the sun, others walking around and soaking in the rays. It was mid-afternoon; my bus had taken a little longer than expected, but that was fine. I sighed, placing a hand on my hip as I looked around. Where was I going to find Dimitri? He had been in a town just outside of Cottbus, probably a hamlet or something. But he was probably long gone from there. Where was a ghost when I needed one?

I crossed the street once it was possible, walking straight-smack into the middle of a park. I blinked, looking around; there were couples walking hand-in-hand down dirt pathways, children playing with each other with balls, hoops and rope, their parents just far enough away to be 'out of their way' but close enough to keep an eye on them. Kind of like guardians, except way more personal than guardians.

I frowned at the thought of guardians; I probably wasn't going to be one now. I doubt Alberta would want me to be a guardian after I just walked out on them all in this time of crisis. Guardians were needed very badly right now, since there were so little dhampirs and we had suffered losses. Moroi needed to be protected more than ever, especially since the Strigoi seemed to be after certain Moroi. Or maybe that was just my conspiring mind at work. Either way, she would probably deny my entrance as a guardian for Lissa or I'd be a rogue or would have to go through schooling again. And trust me, I didn't want to go through _that_ again.

I walked down a deserted dirt path, deep into the trees that the park provided, feeling solitude. Sure, I didn't like feeling alone; it was the suckiest feeling in the world. But at the moment, I needed to be alone. I needed to talk to someone.

Well, a dead someone.

Sighing, I stopped in the middle of nowhere, hearing utter silence around me; a bird flew off to my right from my close proximity, and I smiled a little ruefully. Animals really would never like me. _Alright_, I thought, breathing in deeply. _Let's see if I can contact someone helpful…_

I opened my eyes then as a pounding headache exploded behind my eyes, and I looked around the area as shadows of grey formed around me, reaching out to me, all silently telling me something. I ignored them for the moment, glancing through each face unfamiliar and familiar to me. Some of the spirits of my Academy had followed me across the ocean and throughout Europe, which was nice in a twisted way. At least I always had company, right? I bit my lip, not seeing anyone that looked like they wanted to help, until I saw someone I hadn't seen in a while.

I smiled a little, though not in a completely happy way. "Andre," I greeted, watching as he appeared before me in sharper focus, looking sad and having that black hole behind him as usual. "I'm not ready to die, but I do need your help." He frowned, but nodded and I sighed. "I need to know which direction Dimitri went." I pulled out my map, holding it up for him. "Could you show me?"

He contemplated before nodding, holding up his hand and tracing a path for me, which I followed intently. I placed the map on the ground, tracing his finger as it made the path again, before looking at him. "You're sure this was the way he went?" Andre nodded and I nodded back, putting away my pen. "Alright. Thank you. Go away now, all of you." I pushed them all away then, and they just turned into the constant hum I often heard. I stood on my hackles, arms draped over my knees as I stared at the map. Well fuck then. He was already in Poland.

"….Zielona Gora." I mumbled, sighing and shaking my head. "Looks like I'm walking."

* * *

I stayed the rest of the day in Cottbus, gathering some supplies like food, a couple bottles of water and a few other things. I also spoke around Cottbus, asking people if they had seen any strange people pass through. I got a few vague answers, but there had been one person who gave me my biggest hint.

"There vas one man," an old woman said, her English difficult to understand but I could understand it well enough. "Came last night, through the gates. Didn't speak to anyone, didn't go near anyone. Very pale, and his eyes looked red." She shuddered, shaking her head. "_Geschöpf_." She shuddered, shaking her white head. I had learned that that word meant 'creature' on my travels, and Dimitri was often called that whenever he passed through a town in Germany.

"Would you know anyone around here that could tell me more?" I asked then, speaking slowly so that she could understand me.

"…._Ja. _One man. Alaric. He lives…Down in ze underground. Very good for information, if you can pay." She nodded, before patting my arm. "Don't go looking for things in ze dark, _Fräulein_. It is not safe." She then dropped her arm and turned, leaving me to my thoughts.

I sighed, looking in the direction that she had pointed. The underground…Alaric, eh? Well, then it was time for a little searching.

It was easy to find the entrance to the underground. I thought that would be the hard part, but it seems that everyone here knew about the underground. Getting in to the underground was pretty easy as well.

Navigating it, now that's another story.

My defences immediately shot up as I looked around, seeing the darkness around me. The hair on the back of my neck rose, and I walked carefully, picking my route after making sure I wouldn't get attacked. I didn't feel any nausea, but places like these…They always had at least one thing frightening and unreal. To humans, at least. To me they were just kind of scary, but I was growing very used to them.

There weren't many people in the underground; a few people with shops set up, calling out to me their wares as I walked by slowly, analyzing each and every one of them. None of them were dhampirs or Moroi, as they needed lamplight to see, and I already knew none of them were Strigoi because I wasn't feeling ready to be sick. So I was safe for now. Humans posed no real threat to me.

I asked a vendor if he could point me to Alaric, and I was told that he would be at the end of the tunnel, alone with no one coming to his shop. It seemed that he didn't get a lot of business, but information didn't get a lot of business anyhow. I walked along the tunnel carefully, still on my guard. I wasn't going to relax just because there were no real threats to me here; this reminded me of the caves that Dimitri had been attacked in, where we had saved Eddie and the others. It was too much like it…Cramped, dark, and frightening.

I got to the end of the tunnel, where a young human man was sitting.

He was covered in tattoos, with long brown hair tied back and green eyes staring at me, a smirk on his lips. "I thought you'd be coming." He said then, and I stared at him, eyebrow raised. "_Geschöpf _warned me of it. Said 'There will be a girl coming to you soon, I would imagine'. Guess he was right." He reclined back some more. "He told me to just tell you what you wanted to know, but…I gotta make a living."

I frowned, crouching in front of his vending machine; he was set up on the floor, sitting on a pillow on the cold ground. "I need this money for travelling."

"Fair enough. Got something to trade with me, _Fräulein_?" His smirk was cocky, and pissing me off. "Maybe you could promise me a good night—"

The stake was at his throat faster than he could blink, and I was leaning forward nose-to-nose with him. "How about, Alaric, you just tell me what I need to know. The trade? I'll spare your life if you give me the information I need." He stared at me, all cockiness gone, before giving a barely noticeable nod. I nodded, not moving as I spoke. "I need to know which way your creature is moving at. Dimitri." I paused, watching as he watched me carefully. "I need to know when he crossed the border."

"Last night, near midnight." He said, and I slowly pulled back, but not entirely; he was still tensed. Good. "He was heading towards Zielona Gora, city closest to the border of Poland on any map." He gulped, and I pulled back completely. "A-Anything else?"

"Yes. Did he mention anyone's name, someone he would be in contact with?"

"…"

"Don't make me threaten you again. That'd be twice in one day, and I don't want to make the other vendors here nervous." I looked at him meaningfully and he nodded, swiping back his hair. "Well?"

"A girl, some girl he says will help him get to his destination. A woman named Jadzia." He looked around nervously, staring at my stake with fear. "Is that all you need, _Fräulein_, or do you have any more questions? Since I have the sudden need to close shop for the day."

"No, that's fine." I stood, brushing off my pants and putting my stake away, looking at him. "Oh," I said, as if remembering something. He froze, looking up at me, and I leaned down menacingly. "I was never here."

"…Of course."

* * *

As soon as the sun set, I was out of Cottbus and walking towards the border. I didn't see the need for riding a bus, and I needed to keep my senses alright; besides, walking gave me some sort of distraction from thinking too much, since I had to think about moving my feet, what was around me and if I could take whatever was coming at me if something did. It distracted me from the in-coming shock and…Joy that Lissa was feeling in my mind. I wasn't going to contemplate what was going on; maybe she was able to marry Christian after all.

Okay I just said I wasn't going to contemplate this. Brain, stop thinking you stupid thing.

The border was far away, but I could make it if Dimitri could. Sure, Dimitri was ten times faster than me, had more stamina and probably a whole lot more land covered. But I was fast for a dhampir, I had more stamina than most novices and I was getting plenty of land covered. According to the signs as I passed them, the border wasn't going to be too much farther ahead.

I took a rest stop near a small unmarked lake, splashing my face with the clear water and sighing quietly as I looked into my distorted reflection. Maybe Lissa was right; maybe I shouldn't have made this journey. There were probably other ways to let go of Dimitri, but…

But I still felt that obligation. We had spoken once about this; Dimitri had said he would rather be dead. I was going to give him that, even if it did hurt me more than him. Shaking my head, I tied my hair up again after having loosened it. I was having the stupidest thoughts ever. I had no time to think like this; I had to cross the border and get to this Jadzia woman. She was going to help me, even if I had to beat it out of her.

I stood up just as nausea hit me and I twisted away from a pair of arms immediately, pulling out my stake as I rolled out of the way. Once I sprung to my feet, I saw the Strigoi.

It was a woman, only slightly taller than me with blonde hair. Her eyes were those red eyes that all Strigoi had, and she looked over at me, looking extremely hungry. Ahh, so I was just a midnight snack. Well, that was fine; I needed to get back into the flow of things. It'd been an entire day or so since my last fight.

She lunged at me, and this time I was prepared, slipping away from her grasp and knocking into her back, making her stumble forward. As she straightened herself I kicked behind her legs, making her collapse before I took my foot and slammed it onto her back, forcing her on the ground. I put all my weight into keeping her there for a moment, and she struggled, but I jabbed the stake through the back of her ribs before she could push me off. I pulled the stake out just in time for another Strigoi to come; another girl, this time with red hair.

I turned to her, noting that there was a black haired Strigoi right behind her and scowled. "Come on, two against one? I find that hardly fair."

The redhead smirked, cracking her neck as she eyed me hungrily. "I call it opportunity."

I snorted, lunging at her at a low angle; she was taller than me, more so than the blonde, so I had to be more careful. Using a move that Dimitri had taught me those first few weeks of our training, I knocked the girl down using her own height, straddling her and stabbing the stake through her neck. The black haired girl lunged at me then and, without even thinking about it, I pulled out the gun I hardly used and shot at her five times, all the while slicing the stake through the neck of the Strigoi below me, effectively cutting her head off. The black haired Strigoi stumbled back, crying out in outrage—both to my shooting her and my killing her two apparent comrades—before she lunged at me again. I gasped as she knocked me down to the ground, and I lay there winded for a second. But before she could even lay her sharp teeth near my neck, I jabbed the stake through her ribs swiftly, hearing her cry out before she dropped on top of me.

I rolled her off of me, wincing as bone cracked awkwardly when I pulled the stake out of her. I sighed, swiping at my mouth and seeing some blood on my hand, scowling.

"Guess I'm target practice tonight."

* * *

As the night started to fade and the pink of the sun shone down on me, I mentally counted how many Strigoi had attacked me. Nearly ten and only three had escaped because the sun had started to rise and they needed cover. Meaning I had killed seven Strigoi; those first three girls, two boys, and one couple. All in all, it was a good night if I had been a guardian. But as I was just a travelling scorned lover; it was just business.

I yawned tiredly as I walked, retying my hair into a ponytail. I looked up just then, and noted that the border sign was up, meaning I wasn't too far from the border at all. "Well, that's a relief. If I have to hear any more German swears, my head's going to explode." I mumbled, sighing to myself. I stopped to rest near a gas station that was placed on the highway, going inside and asking to use their bathroom so that I could clean up a little; I was covered in dirt and some blood from when the Strigoi had smacked me around.

Once I was washed and had bought some jerky to eat, I continued on towards the border, thinking as I walked. I thought back to that little blue-eyed girl that had led me to the bus station, how she had just disappeared. I know I wanted to just believe she was fast, but…That was ridiculously fast. It was almost like she was there and then, like the Flash or something just disappeared, not even letting me know or thank her properly. It had been so weird, and she almost acted like a ghost; she didn't talk, but she helped me. But she had _touched_ me too, so that was confusing.

I stopped thinking once I passed the border, pulling out my passport and walking up to one of the boxes, flashing it. The man looked at me a little oddly, wondering what kind of crazy person walked, before he nodded and stamped my passport, welcoming me to Poland (in Polish, so I could only guess he was welcoming me). I asked him which way to Zielona Gora, and he pulled out his map, showing me the vague details towards it. It was a far walk, one I probably couldn't make in the time I needed, so I asked if there were any bus stations near here. He pointed a little behind him, to a station just there for visitors and I thanked him, walking towards it.

There I bought a ticket for Zielona Gora, getting onto the bus as it left in about three minutes. There was one seat left in the back and I grabbed it, placing my stuff at my feet like last time. I didn't have the window seat this time; that privilege was giving to an elderly man who looked frail, but his brown eyes told me he was anything but. As I analyzed him, I noted that he had faded black tattoos on his neck; _molnija_ marks. This was a retired guardian.

He glanced at me, looking at me carefully and I turned my neck slightly to show him my own _molnija_ marks and the star, to which he nodded at. He then smiled at me, and I smiled back, leaning my head back against the headrest.

The bus ride was spent in companionable silence.


	4. Chapter 3

A/N:...So it's been a while! Yes, I know I've been fairly quiet with this project. Don't think that just because I haven't written anything that I haven't been thinking of this. I've been thinking a lot on this project, wondering where I am going with it, how long it'll be and how I should end it and everything. I had plans, but I've been adjusting them in my mind, making sure that I have a story that will work, that won't have any sort of dies ex machina ending and that won't have events that you are expecting. I don't want this to be too predictable.  
I would like to thank everyone who gave me comments and critiques! It means a lot to me that you actually took what I said into account, since it lets me know that you do want me to succeed in one way or another. I tried to take in what everyone said into account, though if I've skipped over some advice that's either because that type of style is a habit of mine I can't break or I didn't need that advice for this chapter.  
So! On that note, I would like to present the next installment! I hope I get the next one out faster. _(smiles)_

Disclaimer: Vampire Academy Characters belong to Richelle Mead.

* * *

Alright, so that last statement wasn't particularly _true_.

While the rest of the bus for the bus ride was silent, the old man beside me was not. After five minutes of riding in silence, him looking out the window and myself leaning my head back with my eyes closed, I heard the gravely sound of him clearing his throat. Sighing mentally to myself, I opened my eyes and looked over at him curiously, raising an inquiring eyebrow. He smiled at me again and I smiled unsurely back, before he started to speak.

"You're not graduated,"

Ohh, he'd noticed the lack of the promise mark. Damn. I was hoping this old man's eyes wouldn't notice that, but it seemed that not only did they show he was strong, they were also perceptive. Maybe he wasn't retired then? I couldn't exactly tell all that well. "No, sir," I mumbled then, pushing back some of my hair. It was a little drier after I had washed it at the gas station, but it still curled and tangled around my face. I must've looked a wreck, some sort of runaway or something. I mentally wondered if he was going to ask what school I was from and find me the nearest airport. It seemed like the sort of thing a responsible, old fashioned guardian would do. I just hoped this old man wasn't a responsible old fashioned guardian.

"Why is that?" He asked then, looking at me curiously. Well, he didn't seem like he was plotting on sending me home. Maybe my hopes have finally come true for me. Or maybe I'm just ridiculously lucky.

"It's personal, sir," I replied then, looking at my lap quietly. "I have to do something before I can graduate, or else I'll be the most distracted guardian in history."

"Well, that wouldn't be good for your Moroi's health, would it?" He laughed, his laugh wheezy and gravely. He seemed like a fairly nice old man so far, with a sense of humour. A sense of humour was always a good sign, right? Or was I just digging by now? "Well, if it's personal that's fine. But why are you so far away from your America?" It was then that I noticed the man had a slight accent, one you couldn't pick up immediately if you were talking to him. He was very fluid in English and could hide his accent well, meaning he must have served an English family during his prime—or was still serving an English family, I wasn't entirely sure.

"Because I'm hunting down a certain target, and they've taken me as far as here," I replied, looking at him then. It was surprising how easy it was to talk to this old man. Maybe it was the quiet smile he wore, or the companionable air that surrounded him. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't ask who my mother was or what school I was from. Hell, maybe it was because he felt like he could be my grandpa. I didn't know it was just weird. "The target's the reason why I'm distracted."

"A friend turned Strigoi?" He guessed and I winced, looking away. There was a soft sound of pity and understanding, and a gnarled but strong hand patted my shoulder comfortingly. "There seems to be a lot of that case happening lately. Where is your target heading?"

"Russia." It was easy to say where Dimitri was going, since you couldn't tell just from the destination that it was Dimitri Belikov, strong god-like guardian turned Strigoi, whom I was hunting. I didn't want anyone to know I was hunting Dimitri. No one needed to know, and no one would ever know if I had any sort of say in this. Hopefully I had some sort of say in this. It _was_ my journey.

"Ahh, that's a very far destination from your America," he said, nodding slowly. "This Strigoi-turned of yours must've been from Russia?"

"Mm," I nodded slowly avoiding the old man's gaze. It felt like he could read the answers through my eyes and I didn't want him to read anything. I suddenly didn't want to talk to this man anymore. I had a feeling that he was weeding information out of me so he could report to some person or another. I felt a hand on top of my hands then, looking down at my lap to see his gnarled strong hand before looking over at him with wide eyes, brows raised high as he looked at me seriously.

"Do not get yourself killed over an obligation you truly do not have to keep." He said it so wisely, as if he knew exactly what I was doing and why I was doing it, before letting go of my hand, leaning his head back. I watched him for a moment longer, poking him quietly and he shifted, opening an eye and looking at me tiredly. "You heard me, girl-child. You have much life to you yet. You have an obligation to the greater world to protect them." He paused, looking at me fully again. He then smiled a little. "You have a very good future."

Okay, the old man was nuts. Maybe that's why I felt so uneasy around him. He kind of reminded me, in a way, of Alice the feeder from Vladimir Academy. He was nice, a little out of it, and said the strangest things that didn't make a lick of sense, but struck a cord with me. They had both said that I needed to protect people—Alice had said I needed to protect the school, this old man saying I have to protect 'them' which I can only guess means the Moroi, since what else would it mean? I didn't pay much attention to that though, watching as the old man leaned his head back again and soon enough fell asleep. Well, there was the conclusion on the weirdest conversation of my travelling life.

I hope it didn't actually mean anything.

* * *

The bus stopped in Zielona Gora the next day. When it stopped, I jerked, looking around in surprise. I had dozed off sometime during the ride, so I hadn't been aware of anything. I looked around stupidly as the old man next to me got up, shaking my shoulder a little. "Come, little miss," he said, raising a withered eyebrow at me curiously. "You have quite the journey to get to if you wish to catch up with your Strigoi-turned."

I sighed, knowing that the loopy guardian was right, before taking my bag and following the people off of the bus. I looked up at Zielona Gora as I walked towards the sidewalk next to the old man, looking at the quaint buildings and calmly walking people. The atmosphere around the place was calming, gentle on the mind and mood. The buildings were gorgeous, too, with the trees and other plant life that grew everywhere. Zielona Gora was a beautiful place. I'd have to come here again for different reasons, say, to enjoy myself. Rather than hunting down my undead boyfriend.

I was still walking next to the old man. "If you're going to Russia, you'll want to take the train from here to Wroclaw. After that, switch trains to Leszno, then follow that train to Poznan. Take that to Torun, then to Olsztyn. If you take the train from Olsztyn, you should be able to get into Russia. From there you're on your own."

Um. Whoa, what the hell? "Excuse me, but why are you telling me this?" The old man looked at me as if I were crazy. Okay, buddy; it was the other way around here!

"You are young, girl-child. Young and naïve about the world around you. You know nothing of what you are truly getting yourself into, yet I know the look in your eye as well as I know the sun rises in the east and the grass grows. You will not give up on your quest, even if I were to find out your Academy and place you forcibly on a plane back to your America." He sighed, shaking his head and patting my shoulder with his strong, gnarled hand. "If you are going to go through with this plan of yours, you might as well have a plan of action. The train route I have given you is one I've taken many times to Russia, and it does not take long. A week, at the most, so you will be able to find your Strigoi-turned." He removed his hand then, looking forward as we walked. I don't know why, but I felt if I followed him he'd lead me to the train station. Maybe he'd even lead me to my path in life.

He was taller than I had thought shoulders broad, face strong, eyes alert of everything. He was not a frail old man, though he seemed like he would be. Maybe that was part of his disguise; he wanted to trick the Strigoi into thinking he couldn't do anything to save his Moroi, and when the Strigoi tried to take advantage of that he killed them swiftly. That was the kind of impression that he gave to me. Brown eyes were kind but hard, and you could easily tell that he had seen a lot in his day.

"Excuse me," I asked then, looking at him curiously. "I'm just wondering, but…Are you retired?"

"Retired? Goodness no," the man laughed, shaking his head. "I am still going strong. I protect a small family in Zielona Gora. We do not get too much trouble here, as this is a very quiet city, very calming. We attend each Song and Wine Festival." He smiled, turning to me. "I am still young yet, my dear girl. I may be old and withered, but I am strong and reliable. You know the older tools you use will always come out for you. At least, that is until they finally rust away into nothing. Until that day comes for me, though, I will be protecting as many people as I can." He stopped, his hand sweeping in front of him. I looked at the train station, staring at it owlishly before looking at him again. "Aren't you going to buy your ticket?"

"Oh…right." I nodded, smiling at him a little uncertainly. "Well…thanks for your help."

"Of course." He smiled at me, a withered, comforting smile. "By the way," he said then, taking hold of my shoulder and holding me back when I went to go to the ticket booth. "On your hunt for your Strigoi-turned…do not forget who you are. This is not your life. This is simply your mission that you chose to do. Your life is elsewhere." He looked at me a moment longer, as if making sure that I really took it in, before letting me go and turning to walk away. I watched him disappear silently into the grounds, becoming another person, before walking over to the ticket booth and asking for a train to Wroclaw. After buying the ticket, I went to the train and grabbed a seat by the window, sitting down and making myself comfortable, setting my bag at my feet.

I looked out the window then to people-watch, and saw the young girl I had seen in Berlin. Something close to what I imagine lightening striking me zipped down my spine, and I watched as she disappeared into the crowd once some woman passed in front of her. I almost had the urge to get up and chase after her, but I had already paid for the ticket, the train was going to leave soon…And I don't think I could catch her.

Feeling completely perplexed, I settled back into my seat and watched as the other passengers started to find seats.

* * *

Watching the scenery outside of a window is much like watching a painting going under the tap. Colours twist and morph into each other, creating a watery, barely distinguishable picture. It was the only thing, along with the sounds the train made as it rolled along, that kept me awake.

I knew that I should've probably taken a nap or something. I mean, I hadn't really slept at all since I got to Zielona Gora and that had been a few hours now. The sun was starting to set, making me wonder if Lissa was getting up for classes yet or if she was with Christian talking about how mean I'd been, leaving her like I had. The thought made my stomach tighten, so I pushed it aside for now. Rubbing my eyes, I looked away from the window and instead watched the people around me.

All of them were humans; I felt no illness coming over me like I would've if I had been near a Strigoi. I could tell none of them were Moroi either, since there was no one sitting there that had a single person sitting next to them, alert and watching. I don't think there were any dhampirs, either. I hadn't spotted any tattoos. They were all sleeping peacefully, as if none of them had a care in the world. They probably didn't, since humans really did have an easier life than any of the vampire races. Strigoi had to hunt and kill people to feed. Dhampirs had to watch for danger, protecting the Moroi. The Moroi had to survive day after day without getting them killed.

I shifted, feeling a trickle of guilt over the fact that it was basically my fault that Lissa temporarily didn't have either of the bodyguards she had been promised. I had left to hunt down Dimitri, and…well…

Dimitri had fallen in love with me, causing him to probably be distracted in that cave for my safety. Getting him bitten.

I wiped at the tears suddenly in my eyes, standing up and heading to the bathroom that was at the back of my compartment. Damn it all, I could not be crying over this right now. I had had my chance for tears. I had taken my time to grieve before I had decided to do this. I had all the chances in the world to go back to what I knew, to mourn and pout and protect Lissa. I decided not to.

I didn't have the right to cry.

Closing the door and flicking the switch that said 'Occupied' in Polish, I turned to look at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red for my brief crying spiel, my hair mussed from the constant train rides and lack of showering, and my mouth felt disgusting. Sighing, I turned on the tap and cupped some water into my hands, splashing my face and drinking some water, swishing it in my mouth before spitting it back down the drain. I towel-dried my hands and face then, wiping off straggling drops of water from my neck before exiting the bathroom and going back to my seat.

Just as I was sitting down, however, something outside caught my eye. I looked out, eyes narrowing as I tried to catch a good look at whatever was out there. It was moving too fast for me to get a proper look at it, especially while I was moving at a pretty fast pace myself. This only told me one thing:

There was a Strigoi outside of my train.

My head twisted to look up at the ceiling when I heard something land on the metal, and I was surprised I didn't get some form of whiplash. Rubbing my neck, I listened for a moment, before opening my window and sticking my head out to try and look at the roof.

I suddenly felt very, very sick.

"Shit," I muttered, getting up from my seat. I looked around to make sure everyone was still asleep, before I crawled out of the window and grappled my way up onto the roof. Once reaching the top, I crouched low, feeling the push from the pressure trying to knock me over. It was a good thing I had strengthened my legs before leaving on this stupid mission of mine. If I still had the same strength I had when Lissa and I had run away, I would've flown off the roof in no time.

Quickly, I checked to make sure my stake was still with me and sighed in relief when I felt the cool metal. I then looked around, wary eyes trying to find some sort of figure, a sign that a monster had been here moments before.

Bile rose in my throat and I dropped to my stomach in time to avoid a pair of strong, masculine arms.

I rolled away from the Strigoi, flipping over and grabbing my stake, pulling it in front of me in a defensive position that could quite easily be thrown into an offence. I then looked up at my opponent and almost fell over.

Dimitri. I was staring straight at Dimitri.

"Ah," he said, looking at me with blood red eyes that were so cold and unemotional, nothing like the warm brown I used to stare into. Staring into those eyes made me feel completely sick. "I see that I've caught your train. Silly of me." He shook his head, sighing as if he was exasperated to see me. He probably was. He was probably thinking, somewhere in his mind where rational dhampir thoughts remained, that I was stupid to have dropped school just to hunt him down. He was probably thinking that I was taking what he had said what seemed so long ago now much, much too seriously.

"I thought…that you would be way ahead of me."

He appraised me for a moment, before deciding that he could answer. He'd always done that, I know that. Yet with that pale skin…and those bloodshot eyes…It was so much worse. "I ran into a bit of trouble. Didn't I tell the vendor for you to see the woman Jadzia in Zielona Gora?"

I had totally forgotten about that. How could I have forgotten about that? That had been my only lead into where Dimitri had been heading…Yet that old man. That old guardian made me totally forget to go see the Jadzia woman. Had he meant to do that? Had he known that if I had gone on a hunt for a woman I didn't know the appearance of would have taken away precious time? Had he been sparing me time so that I could get to Dimitri faster?

"Would she have told me anything useful?"

"She would've had you on a wild goose chase, much like the Strigoi Tobias. Yet you seem to have not taken the vendor's advice. Why is that?"

Should I tell him about the old man? But…but what if he hunted him down. I decided to stay silent and he sighed again, shaking his head. He pushed back some of his loose dark hair, appraising me for a moment before turning away. "Where are you going?"

"…" He glanced back again, before shaking his head again. "That really isn't anything you need to concern yourself with, Roza." He then jumped off the side of the train. I rushed over as far as I could get, leaning over, yet I couldn't see him. He had disappeared. Pounding my fist onto the roof of the train, I let out a cry of frustration and agony. Damn it…God damn it! I had been so _close_! He had been right there, in my reach, right in front of me! He hadn't even attacked me except for when he didn't know who I had been! I could have finished all of this! I could have gone _home_, back to Lissa and Eddie and Christian and everyone in my life that was still with me who I cared about.

I could have moved on finally.

Why hadn't I moved? Why hadn't I tried to kill him? He'd been right there…

He'd been so close…

* * *

One of the conductors had pulled me from the roof. They'd placed me by the fire of the engine, given me a cup of hot chocolate and told me to drink it while I got over whatever it was I had been feeling. They said all of this with very heavy accents and with a few mix-ups between English and Polish words, but I didn't care. I think they thought I was suicidal, yet it didn't matter to me what they thought of me. I'd never see them again after all was said or done. I'd either take a plane straight back to America or die trying to save Dimitri.

Dimitri, who I had just seen not even an hour ago.

Dimitri, who I had let walk away without doing a damned thing.

I buried myself deeper in the blanket tat one of the conductors had produced for me, resting my back against my bag by the engine. I sat on the floor, my legs pulled to my chest and the cup of hot chocolate cradled in my hands. The scent was really very comforting. Sipping it, I watched with uninterested eyes as the conductors worked to make the train move. Usually I would've been asking all sorts of questions, wondering what it was like to run a train on coal rather than on electricity like some trains. Right now though I had no interest in it, since I was still thinking about Dimitri.

Dimitri.

Why had I let him get away?

Why had I let him talk, and then just walk away?

Why hadn't I even tried to stop him from leaving? I just asked where he was going. I didn't try to grab him, or pin him down, or even stake him, like I knew I should have.

I just let him walk away.

I know I let him live. It was almost like me seeing Mason's ghost all over again when I had been doing my field test. I was just in shock, staring at Dimitri as if he were a ghost. If a Moroi had been with me, they'd be very dead, and I wouldn't have reacted in time to try and save them.

_Why did I let him live?_

Burying myself deeper into my blanket, knees and hot chocolate, I tried to ignore the little voice whispering nastily in the back of my mind, telling me why I'd let him go without a fight.

I was weak.


End file.
